so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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