So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
