I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just threw up on my dentist
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
