I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
