only if we run a train.
done.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
