Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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