There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
