my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
