everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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