Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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