You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
