Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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