I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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