Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
