I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
