Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
