Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
