he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
