i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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