We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
