My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
