I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry about my life...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
