We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
