just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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