He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
