he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
