Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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