So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
