I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
