he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
