dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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