so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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