I'm drive I can fine osifer
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
