i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
