We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
