Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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