I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
