I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
