You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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