Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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