You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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