five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
