I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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