Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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