dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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