I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
