I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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