tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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