He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
