New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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