The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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