bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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