butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
