you're like a bully in the Christmas story
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
