the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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