The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
