sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
