ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
