Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
