Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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