Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
