I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
