If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
