Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
