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FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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