dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
