I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
