I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
