Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
