he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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