i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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