okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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