So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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