That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
