Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
