I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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