so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
