I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I will die if light touches me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
