nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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