Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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