Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
