You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
