I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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